My goodness, I haven't posted in so long! I promise to post a real entry... soon. I only have two more exams, so it shouldn't be too terribly long.

For now, I want to share about a gorgeous jewelry shop, and the givaway they're sponsoring.
Shop Mathilde has become my latest obsession in online window shopping, and I'm on the verge of actually buying something. (Crazy, I know.) Recently they featured a givaway on TruthBeTold, a blog, and I'm getting about five entries for posting this. ;]
Sorry for using you, but thanks for reading! I promise to post again soon.

"The loose words linger make the voters vote with paper ballots
Blue lines and pale circles make the takers test with number two
The empty barrels roll to appease, now write your name in cursive please

He sat on his hands and spoke kindly
She put on an act for the people
Ravens and swine we are by God,
We eat and sleep and breathe by God,
We kill and still by God’s will we’ll win
Horses and men and splitting atoms
And thick black water that makes us men.

“In God We Trust” reads every coin
In Him we must, the green wall is crumbling
Lock your little box and give alms to the poor
Lock your little box and give arms to the roar

Innocence is proven guilty until further notice
Not a chance, no second chances
Loops for skinny necks and loop holes for
The man with the deeper pocket

But I keep taking my tests and climbing the ladder
It’s ok, it looks good on my resume,
My transcript, my paper, they’re glowing with
Time slots for service, well since
Jesus lived so long ago his words don’t mean what they used to

Consistency is swallowed, no integrity left
Just a national pride with jaws nipping at the nation
What’s now application was once called theft
There’s no more green but the dollar and a hybrid car
We’ve lost every sense of real liberation

Sit on your hands and speak with sensation
Hold up a sign with false dedication
Put on a show and you’ll lead a nation
But at least we have plenty of blind information

He took another sip of water.
What now?"

Had to share.

It's the boredom, I tell ya. I'm not going to make a cut, because I'm cruel. And how often do I make you put up with my posts, anyway?

Put your iTunes/Ruckus/Napster/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button... Yadda yadda. You know the drill.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
"Seasons of Love" - Rent

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"She's Perfect" - Jimmy Eats World
... huh.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"You and Me and the Mountain" - Maps and Atlases

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"The Bitch of Living" - Spring Awakening

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"Poor Thing" - Sweeny Todd

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"A Lifetime" - Better Than Ezra

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Eyes of the World" - Grateful Dead

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
"1000 Miles an Hour" - OK Go

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"Stay" - Oingo Boingo

WHAT IS 2+2?
"What If" - Coldplay
What if a world existed where numbers weren't constantly questioned?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"the Carpenter" - Nightwish
Jesus is my homeboy. :]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Lovers Tonight, Friends Tomorrow - Dave Matthews Band

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"HOTT" - 3oh3
ELL OH ELL.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Shiver" - Motion City Soundtrack

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Heaven Help Me" - Footloose
In a good way, of course.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Lappi II" - Nightwish
Suitably vague.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Kill Caustic" - A.F.I.
Haha. That is going to be one crazy wedding.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Starts With One" - Shiny Toy Guns
It sounds like the ending credits to a good movie... So I guess it makes sense.

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Self Centered" - Bowling For Soup
Why do I still have them? Ick.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Penholder" - Flyleaf

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Space Oddity" - David Bowie
YES.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"Three Seed" - Silversun Pickups

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"Let it Be" - The Beatles
I will die of neglect?

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"Hit the Floor" - Linkin Park
No. My dancing is what everyone AROUND me regrets.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Out of Line" - Buckcherry
Eh, kind of makes sense.

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"Sunday" - Tick Tick, Boom
Yeah, annoying customers.

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"We All Bow Down" - Worship
Sounds like a "bride of christ" reference.
Or you could be sick.

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"If Looks Could Kill" - A Heartwell Ending

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"American Dream" - Casting Crowns
AMERICA LOVES ME.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Paper Hanger" - Mewithoutyou

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"Be My Escape" - Relient K

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"Sick Little Suicide" - The Matches
I don't want to scare people...

Heaven is a tropical storm, peppermint tea, stolen time, and having so many books to read that I'm never lacking. Heaven is home alone watching bits of Bride and Prejudice, with the freedom to turn it off when the music just gets to be too much. Heaven is ample time to do the homework I enjoy for the classes I love. Heaven is sleep at a decent hour, or an indecent hour when I'm free to sleep in that morning. Heaven is vaguely looking forward to school on Monday. Heaven is back copies of Victorian magazine from a favorite teacher who doesn't mind feeding my strange fascinations.
But most of all, heaven is a surprisingly pleasant year between myself and my future.

I think I just realized why I can come off as antisocial. If I told people what I really thought, I wouldn't have any friends.

Maybe from now on I should just live between my computer and my bookshelf. Not a big change, really.
Kinda wish I'd had this revelation before I was about to be released into the "real world". One year left. We'll see how this goes.

"Do you know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets people killed."
A hero is also someone who feeds my book habit.

Oh, and this guy.
"English doesn't borrow from other languages. English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over and rummages through their pockets for loose grammar."
-Unknown
He's my hero too.

I promise, the geekiness will fade with time.

I've decided that I should journal more often. I don't recommend questioning it... But as I just got back from an amazing trip, and it's one forty-five in the aye-em, I'll just post a general bullet list of what should be expanded upon sooner or later.

-Seeing JP. And retaining my dignity through my amazement... more or less.
-Shepherdstown. Mountains. Heaven.
-Seeing camp friends, which was a proper warm-up for
-Seeing family. And, unexpectedly,
-A distant cousin who managed to save the day in a sea of familial business talk by being *insert shock* an author and sci-fi/fantasy book reviewer. For YA and adult. The most fun I've had geeking out since... well, maybe Anime Mid-Atlantic. Or perhaps a few days ago, when JP finished reading The Guns of Avalon to me... So at the least a few days, most a few years. ^^

Or maybe I'll just decide that this was summary enough... I'm tired.
Goodnight, lovelies. Please excuse the near-nonsense. I'll kick myself in the morning for you, I promise.

What's worse? Wanting to go "home", and not knowing where home is?
Or wanting to go home, and knowing that "home" is years, and hundreds of miles away?

I want to cry. I want to grow up. I want to leave.
I want to live.

There are some days- when my family can't live peacefully, when my grandmother can't control her blood pressure, when we aren't sure how much longer we'll have my uncle, when my youth minister moves hundreds of miles away, when my parents barely tolerate the boy I love so much, when medication seems like the only way anything can be normal- there are some days when I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't give God control.

It's been a really good week.

I had a senior/college meeting with Mrs. Stanley, and apparently I have an amazing portfolio. She told me I can get into basically whatever school I want... Which is definitely good to hear. My grades have been so up and down the past few years, but luckily I manage to pull them up right before they're recorded. We set up a basic schedule for next year, and so far it looks like Mondays and Wednesdays will be Government/AP US History/Elective/Apologetics, and Tuesdays and Thursdays will be reserved for a dual enrollment English credit at William and Mary. I'm so excited- I've wanted to go to W&M since i was a kid! I wouldn't be able to handle the four-year workload, I'm not a good enough student... but hopefully I'll be okay with one class. We'll see. But this means I won't even have to go to WCA on those days! This should be an amazing senior year.

The boy is... absolutely amazing. He's so wonderful, he makes me so happy. I have no idea when I'll see him next, but we're managing. ^^ I'm just so lucky...

We drove up to visit my uncle and grandmother today. My uncle isn't doing very well at all, but he's going to be part of a study soon where he'll receive free treatment. All we can do is pray that it'll begin to help. We had a huge ham dinner, and then my mom, dad, sister, and I all went back to my grandmother's apartment to listen to the fiddlers... fiddle. (I fell asleep on the floor. Wheeee-oo, aren't I supportive?)

Happy Easter, loves!